No O.J.

My 14 year son orders football and soccer jerseys from his favorite athletes and teams. Kobe Bryant, LAFC, and Lebron James. He’s using his money to buy them which is so sweet. I reminded him that I could buy one for him sometime.

A week later, he asked if I would buy him a jersey. I asked him how much it was? He told me “$28.” Instead of logging into my laptop to make the purchase, I transferred him $35.

Yesterday, his package arrived. I was cutting sweet potatoes, Russet potatoes, and red onions.

He opened it in his room. He came back into the kitchen, happy, and bragging about some record breaking athlete from USC.

I half listened, “Sounds cool. Who is it again?”

“O.J. Simpson.”

What proceeded was a quick fight.

“But Mom… He is an amazing athlete. Can I keep it as a collectable item?”

No. No.

My husband and I explained, “He’s a murderer, and a wife beater. Rotten to the core. He killed two human beings. He slaps women when they don’t obey him. He’s a murderer, and there’s nothing else to say.”

He wasn’t giving up, “Yeah, I know. But what does that have to do with his stats?”

I turned into a medieval narrator. “Nothing, but you will not don that evil on your body.”

He continued, “By that logic, we can’t listen to Michael Jackson?”

My husband asked him, “Would you wear a jersey by Michael Jackson?”

My son replied, “He’s not an athlete.”

I chimed in, “It’s complicated. I am happy to have a real discussion with you about MJ, his alleged crimes, and his impact on contemporary music another time. But right now, we’re saying no to O.J..”

Frowns from my sweet kid.

I will be asking for a refund or store credit. If I can’t get one, I will burn that bitch.