Terror In My Toes
Remember when 2020 sounded cute. The energy of a sonogram where the parents get wide-eyed as they learn they’re having twins. The double 20 invited wordplay and light aliteratiration. This year should have been as magical as Prince’s 1999.
No magic here. Just a shit show on women, checks and balances, people of color, civil rights, and health. A perennial dumpster fire set by Donald Trump.
In 10 days, voters have the opportunity to right this decade. Or to double down on evil mixed a side of incompetence.
I was mortified when Trump won, but not exactly surprised. I counted his silent, yard-sign-less supporters on my block. Cult members who felt compelled to do what their party told them to exactly like women who got their vaginas branded in The Vow.
In my bones, I felt my country lean into its racist roots. I watched the NRA make fundraising speeches where the taglines were some form of Black Lives Don’t Matter. Watched Trump degenerate Black people and causes, and retweet white nationalists.
It’s not only George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. I am used to that kind of terror. The knot in my gut when I see someone in uniform. Having to do a quick calculation on whether they are here to help or to hurt?
Watching Trump allow this nation to be maimed by coronavirus like a creature from Love Craft… Well, it’s become too much for me.
If voters pick the orange monster over me, again… Then I feel even more homeless — unwanted bastard descendant of a slave — trying to pitch a tent anywhere that will have me.
If I had sources of income that could support my family living abroad, I would become a broad looking for the next vessel out of here. Anything but a coronavirus cruise ship.
My stepdaughters will be in college. I don’t want to raise my Black son in a state of duress. I don’t want to feel terror in my toes every time I read the news. My husband, my son, and I could settle down in Canada, and snowbird in Los Angeles.
While no land is perfect, I want to experience living in a place where my skin color is not a pre-existing condition.